I Don't Know What Just Happened...But I Kinda Liked It!
(Controversial finish, fake bras, dirty dancing, and one man's interminable suffering caught on tape)
Storytelling: 2/5 Stars-this was a pretty bad set up for Mania
Match Quality: 3/5 Stars
Finish: 3/5 Stars
Winner: 5/5 Stars
Extracurriculars: 3/5 Stars
TOTAL: 16/25
Great Moment You May Have Forgotten: The MVP of the first half was Rikishi, who along with showing his dance moves, threw out Viscera all on his own.
Moment You Wish You Weren't Reminded Of: This...over and over and over again.
________________________________________
I don't know where to begin on this one. This is a doozy of a match that made no sense, yet somehow worked itself out in the end.
We can backtrack and say that prior to this, Mick Foley and Triple H tore the house down in one of the greatest matches of all time, that being the 2000 Royal Rumble. Do yourself a favor and watch that match sometime if you haven't yet to truly appreciate two stars at the peak of their athletic prime. Therefore, WWE needed to do something extreme and exciting to keep with that pace and brutality of that match.
What followed is akin to throwing a bunch of crap on the wall and seeing what sticks. I'll try to break it into thirds, but Kai En Tai will keep interfering and making it difficult.
It starts off routinely with D'lo Brown and Grand Master Sexay (complete with Lawler's nepotism being alive and JR purposely announcing his name with disdain, they were such a great duo during the Attitude Era). Next up is Mosh in a rather...let's say unusual costume...followed by early Christian. Then Rikishi comes in and kicks out all the garbage except Sexay, looks like he's going to turn on his pal, but is then saved by the Rumble's punching bag Scotty 2 Hotty.
And let the dancing begin!
Yes we had a whole dance segment that was as awesomely lame as you wanted. Its cool and catchy and...HOLY CRAP RIKISHI JUST THREW THE OTHER TWO OUT!!! Impresive display by the big man.
-Scotty 2 Hotty in his first of a long list of humiliating Rumble eliminations.
But he wasn't done. Out comes the Cheese of Head Cheese, Steve Blackman, who goes bye bye quickly. Then big Viscera (wow Mabel was in a ton of Rumbles-pun intended) comes in and stares down the slightly smaller large man...BUT SCREW THAT, RIKISHI THREW HIM OUT!!! This was probably Rikishi's finest rumble solo performance, before being thrown out by about 6 wrestlers.
The second part of this Rumble kinda dragged. It featured dead weight (literally, RIP to them) Boss Man, Test, Bulldog, Crash Holly, Gangrel, pre-awesome Edge, Hardcore Holly, Al Snow, Val Venis, And Lord Tensai personified in just bland fighting techniques. There are a few cool spots such as Chyna eliminating Chris Jericho and a returning Bob Backlund using this as a campaign opportunity, but it mostly sucked.
But perhaps the biggest entertainment of this Rumble was without a doubt the run-ins. WWE (F) could not allow all all their stars in the Rumble so people were shafted. First you had the Mean Street Posse, who came in to just beat up Faarooq and Bradshaw...twice. But the real taker (pun) was Kai En Tai, resident Japanese stereotypes (or Chinese if you're racist Jerry Lawler). First, they interfered very early, upset they weren't in the match, which is kind of funny. Then they come out to a less exciting pop, only to see Taka get concussed in one of the cruelest videos ever. Then, for some reason, Funaki came out alone two more times. Not only does it not make sense with only one member coming in, but every time he came in, Lawler would just want to see the concussion video of Taka again. In retrospect, it's among the most tasteless portrayals in WWE history, one I'm sure the King wants to forget.
But after all the nonsense and crazy moments, business picked up as the Rock entered. He changed the course of the comedy and made this a showdown. He was soon followed by Kane, Big Show, Billy Gunn (who eliminated Road Dogg to a shock) and Number 30 Sean Waltman in his current form, X-Pac. So finally after more controversy with X-Pac's elimination and Kane being screwed as normal, we are down to Big Show and the Rock. There could only be one winner, and there was no way Show can stop the killer momentum that is Dwayne. After looking like he's gonna chuck him out, the Rock counters and throws the big man out! He's done it, the Rock is going to Wrestlemania!! (Yes we know what happened afterward, but that goes towards poor stroryline instead of appreciating the right winner). So after all that hootenanny and chicanery, the WWE picked the right winner, and that's why this Rumble makes it higher than other perhaps better worked matches of the past countdown.
If you like low brow racism, (this match) is perfect for you. If you like more low brown racism, tomorrow's match is also for you, plus a prequel to one of the greatest showdowns in Wrestlemania history. which one could it be???
