Chainsaws and Stables and Austin Oh My!!!
(How the most hated man in WWE overcame the inability for people to team up)
Storytelling: 4/5 Stars
Match Quality: 2/5 Stars
Finish: 4/5 Stars
Winner: 5/5 Stars
Extracurricular: 3/5 Stars
TOTAL: 18/25 Stars
Great Moment You May Have Forgotten: If the Mick Foley trifecta wasn't as well known, I'd go with that. But instead I'm picking Marc Mero, who several times walked around the ring and pretended to be Muhammad Ali, it's hilarious and brilliant for his gimmick at the time.
Moment You Wish You Weren't Reminded Of: There's a lot of weird moments and superstars in here, but I'm gonna go with D'lo Brown being eliminated around the 29th entrant...and no one notices. Ross and Lawler announce the next ten minutes assuming he is still in the match.
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Some Rumbles are made great based on a combination of the in-ring quality and the overall factors contributing to the smaller aspects of a match. This match however, is probably the weakest in ring quality of any match in the top ten. The WWE at the time was still stuck in the transition between brilliant attitude era writing (anything Austin in this match) and tacky gimmicks that take up space (How many awful tag team names are in this match, I have no idea). However, this Rumble built its merit on one man's redemption from a broken neck persecution by the higher power of Vince Mcmahon who refused to let his renegade win.
Austin's win was about as obvious as it could get. After his horrific injury at Summerslam, he spent the law few months torturing everyone, from faces to heels, main eventers to jobbers, legends to Skull and 8-Ball. Heck, instead of a pre-Rumble montage about the statistics or who has a chance, it showed Austin kicking everyone's ass. It was a long time coming that the WWE had a brilliant story to work with going into the Rumble, and this certainly didn't squander that moment.
Before we get to Austin's asskicking when entered at number 24, we have to clear up the first 23 (well 21) entrants of course. First off, kudos to Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler in this match. They played off each other so well, with JR's over the top dramatics of a minute kick to the King's wicked insults ("5 people in this match and only one brain between them"). He also was brutal to Mike Tyson. They really were the golden standard of announcing when it came to the much-needed Attitude Era.
The match starts with Mick Foley (playing Cactus Jack) and Terry Funk (playing Chainsaw Charlie) going on a killing spree with chairs and chainsaws. They exchange blows to the head and waste some waste name Tom Brandi before going back to maiming each other. Finally at number 4 came The Rock, who is the MVP of this match if you exclude Austin, and he got a trashcan over his head and his clock cleaned by nuts.
Honestly number 5 to 24 were mostly forgettable, but this match is great because it was never about these guys' individual personalities. It featured longevity (Blackjack Bradshaw, The Artist Formerly known as Goldust, Phineas Godwinn who injures a ref on his way out, Skull...so many bad gimmicks). It featured some NWA scenario with Jeff Jarrett and Triple H punishing Owen Hart for being Bret's brother. It featured some truly hideous performances (Kurrgan, Ahmed Johnson on his last leg, and just bad gimmicks like Headbangers). If features Mankind coming in at 16 and eliminating Terry Funk, who spent his whole match on the ropes after eliminating Cactus Jack...WAIT HOLD ON WHAT!!!! Yea Mick Foley came out a second time to wrestler because logic.
Well finally around number 22 no one came out, with Lawler had been "reporting" that someone had gotten to Austin finally and he was the missing number. He then proceeds to continuously mock Stone Cold for his elimination and everyone else he could. But then come number 24 came and CRASH! IT'S AUSTIN OMG!! Well the action stop and everyone stares at the ring, waiting for their piece of the rattlesnake. Well being the conniving bastard he is, Austin hopped over the back railing and knocked out Mr. Boxing Marc Mero (Although Lawler vs Tyson was the match we all wanted, am I right?). So all of the superstars go after Austin, and then for some reason just stop. It was a really lackluster moment of the match where the Nation of Domination just went after each other and whatever racist gimmick Savio Vega was a part of couldn't eliminate one man. He's just one man people! You did it to Kurrgan you can do it to Austin.
So after all the mass mix of gimmick and the elimination of newcomer Mark Henry (in a terrible elimination mind you), We got down to our final four of Nation members The Rock and Faarooq, that dastardly Rattlesnake Steve Austin, and Dude Love...ARE YOU KIDDING ME MICK FOLEY AGAIN!!! So eventually Austin turns on Dude to the surprise of no one and eliminates him and Rock turns on Faarooq to some surprise and eliminates him. This leaves us with a final two we would certainly never see again, The Rock Vs.Stone Cold. That moment was great since you could see the brilliant chemistry between the two (including the birth of Rock selling the Stunner better than any human in history). But to the shock of no one and the happiness of everyone, the Rock was thrown out by Austin and as JR puts it eloquently " STONE COLD! STONE COLD! STONE COLD!"
So you wonder with all the bashing of the in-ring portion of this match how this became the 6th best Rumble in history? It simply told the best story in a long time and seldom have been better since, with the right winner, a fun preview of the best rivalries in WWE history, and the formation of a wildly hit and miss era that made a few professional wrestlers the mega stars they are is today. While Austin's win in 1997 was questionable at best, there was no doubt he deserved this win and needed to win, and for once the WWE did not give us a victory no one wanted (Bootista). Kudos to the WWE for getting the big picture right for once! Also if you watch this whole PPV, make sure to watch the "backbreaking" affair between HBK and the Undertaker. Yay great rivalries are fun.
Mrs. Foley's baby boy is pulling a triple header. Tomorrow we look at a superstar who comes back from a gruesome injury to win the Royal Rumble...really again??? Plus one man's dream of flying comes to fruition. WE'RE AT THE TOP 5 I'M SO EXCITED!!!!
