I
I Will Find My Way....I Can Go the Distance!
(The greatest Rumble match you can't talk about, but I will anyway).
Storytelling: 4/5 Stars
Match Quality: 3/5 Stars
Finish: 5/5 Stars
Winner: 5/5 Stars (not in retrospect, but in the moment)
Extracurricular: 3/5 Stars
TOTAL: 20/25 Stars
Great Moment You May Have Forgotten: In possibly my favorite micro-Rumble moment ever, Goldberg comes in at number 30 and spears everyone, but wow that one to Nunzio is just the greatest thing ever.
Moment You Wish You Weren't Reminded Of: No, not the victory, but the part where Earnest "The Cat" Miller appeared, ushering in an era of that annoying "Somebody Call My Mama" song that half the roster used in 2013.
*This is about the match, not the individual. We all know what horrific events took place in 2007, but from a purely match standpoint, this is one of the greatest Rumble matches of all time.
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We have finally reached the top three Rumbles of all time, from an overall standpoint, all three of these matches were generally fantastic from start to finish, with the exceptions generally coming in small, non problematic doses. At number 3 is the match we hate to talk about, but it needs to be discussed, because like it or not it was brilliant.
What makes this match originally innovative and exciting is that we had no idea who was going to win. Due to both the Raw and Smackdown rosters being at an abundance of capable superstars, and no overexposed wrestling sites exposing the potential Wrestlemania plans, it was up in the air as it's ever been. How the match would unfold though, is what really separates this from just an open field (such as 2012) and cemented this is as one of the most fun hours of television in WWE history.
The match starts off with wily veteran Chris Benoit and conniving up and coming Randy Orton. They put on a clinic that would eventually set off a future feud that would culminate in Summerslam that year. As always a fleury of so-so competitors would enter, such as Mark Henry, Tajiri, Rhyno, Matt Morgan, and Booker T. We also had Bradshaw (now looking like the millionaire douche we love today MAGGLE), The Hurricane flying again into a messed up leg, and Scott Steiner (looking considerably unnatural and different from the one we saw in the early 90s).
But like most Rumbles, Kane appears early and kicks some butt. But after Kane buried his brother the Undertaker a few months ago at Survivor Series, the number 13 entry heard a GONG! Turns out resident whipping post Spike Dudley was playing a trick, allowing Booker T to throw the Sucka out. Well of course, Kane took this in style, first panicking, then realizing he was fooled, then incapacitating Spike from ever entering the Rumble or any other Rumble again.
So after a few more entrants (Rikishi in his millionth Rumble, A-Train in his millionth Rumble as a different persona, Rene Dupree, and my final installment of The Shelton Benjamin Treatment going in for 30 seconds), a surprising thing happened. Everyone just got eliminated on their own stupidity, or by Randy Orton, and we were back down to Orton and Benoit again as the only combatants. So they both knocked each other out and then we were treated to the black eye of a spectacular match, whatever Earnest "The Cat" Miller did.
After that however, the match really picked up. Kurt Angle came in and perfected the modern art of technical wrestling. Eh Rico was also there I think. But at number 21, Test was mysteriously beat up backstage (by an out of shape Mick Foley, because that made sense). So out comes Mick, who was toyed with and humiliated by Orton throughout the past few weeks. So naturally he leaps into action, kicks Orton's butt, and eliminates both himself and Orton, ending their dreams. Well naturally an awesome brawl took place, which unfortunately included Foley's head meeting concussion land via a steel chair. But this is the type of intervening action we want in a Rumble, in order to keep attention and potential great story lines available.
Soon the Rumble entrants came out a swinging. You had Christian, Nunzio (who hid in the corner like a frightened Italian for a while after taking Mr. Socko to first base), The Big Show, Chris Jericho, Charlie Haas, Billy Gunn, Rising star John Cena, and Mr. THC Rob Van Dam. It included an attempted group effort to take out Big Show, but to no avail, more hilarious Nunzio, and part-time partners Christian and Jericho betraying each other, leading to Christian's elimination.
But at number 30 is when all hell brook loose, and this match shifted into overdrive. Goldberg, Mr. WCW, made his Rumble debut and began to take charge (literally). Spears were thrown left to right, including that wonderful annihilation of Nunzio. Out went Charlie Haas, Billy Gunn,and Nunzio. Just when it looked like this was Goldberg's match to win, the Next Big Thing met Who's Next, as Brock Lesnar snuck his way into F-5'ing Goldberg and allowing Angle to eliminate him. It was another great feud building moment that set up...ok let's not discuss that train wreck...ok let's just move on.
So the final 6 were Benoit, Angle, Cena, RVD, Jericho, and Big Show. Naturally, the 5 smaller beings did all they could to take out the big man, including hitting all their finishers and multiple submissions to make him tap. However, this was probably Big Show's best Rumble performance ever, and he really stepped up to taking that abuse. He escape the clutches and eliminated Cena (rather painfully mind you). Then he took our RVD. Then he took out Jericho. Then Kurt Angle nearly broke his leg off, but Big Show impressively went over the top rope and threw Angle out, much to the surprise of many who had him winning and those who didn't think Big Show could move like that.
So in the end we were left with David (Chris Benoit) vs. Goliath (Big Show). There was no realistic way anyone could expect Benoit to win, and he took his beating like a man. But then in the end something remarkable happened. Benoit grabbed Show in a sleeper hold and refused to let go. The final sequence is probably the most dramatic in Rumble history for its time at least, as it was a good minute of the two just hanging there and Show slowly but surely being lifted over the top. And like the crumbling industry of Babylon, Enron, and modern WWE, Big Show just slow rolled out of the ring in a fantastic sequence.
BENOIT DID IT!!! And he set a new Rumble record. A journeyman who spent his entire career struggling to breathe choked (I should really change this) out the Big Show in a moment no one ever expected. It even became a full dream come true as the closing of Wrestlemania XX occurred. This is the moment that people dream of watching, coupled by a solid story, in ring action that is near the top, and no extremely offensive imagery or announcing. That is why this is the 3rd greatest Rumble of all time, people remember the hero's tale. Yes this story has a tragic ending in reality, but in wrestling, this is the story you look towards when making people believe that if you worked hard enough, and with a little luck, you can achieve your goals. I've seldom been happier as a WWE fan to watch the right story and not hate the match it brought.
One of the finest displays of storytelling, both collective and as a whole, can be seen in this match. BUT WE HAVE REACHED THE TOP TWO!!!! FINALLY!!!! You know what these two matches mean to WWE, and how significant they are in the company's history. But which one merely made the silver medal? That will be answer, and dissected, and probably argued by everyone, starting tomorrow. Here we go!
