I'm Gonna Tell You All...With a Tear in My Eye...This...is the Second Greatest Rumble of My Life
(It may not have been fair to Flair, but it was excellent to all of us)
Storytelling: 5/5 Stars
Match Quality: 3/5 Stars
Finish: 3/5 Stars-probably the biggest reason this was not the number one spot (Hogan being Hogan)
Winner: 5/5 Stars
Extracurricular: 5/5 Stars-has there ever been anyone more wonderfully despicable than heel Heenan
TOTAL: 21/25 Stars
Great Moment You May Have Forgotten: Probably the second best competitor in this match was Roddy Piper, who at one point choked I.R.S. out of the match by his tie.
Moment You Wish You Weren't Reminded Of: Dibiase out in the first two minutes sucked, but Randy Savage eliminating himself takes the cake of stupidity. Also the inconstancy that is the rule of someone throwing themselves over the top rope (Randy Savage stays in, but Shawn Michaels doesn't?).
*I know most would put this as number one, so this may come as a shock to you. But based off of the ranking system I came up with, and the Star total, this is number two. Let the debate begin.
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As I have documented on several occasions, when the Royal Rumble first started the first few years were generally terrible. Sure 1990 was a good Rumble, but the seeds for what they wanted to accomplish with this match were never quite set in stone. The winners were either no name mid-carders or an unnecessarily selfish Hogan, and the prestige of this match lacked big name superstars to fulfill the whole hour.
All of that changed with the 1992 Rumble.
Due to a bunch of interesting factors (and a so so Undertaker/Hogan match in December), there was no official WWE champion heading into the 1992 Rumble. Therefore it was built around the concept that the winner of the match would be the next WWE champion. Furthermore, this began the tradition of the winner having a main event title match on Wrestlemania. Whatever that has meant in the last few decades is debatable by year, but the stage was finally set here.
Now when looking at the quality of this match, it is important to note that this was 1992, not 2002. The Attitude Era and age of intense high flying or unparralled athleticism were limited, so we were never going to be treated to an overly amazing display. But with that said, the WWE build this match around the greatest storyline it could possibly imagine, and gave us an accidental hero through an evil villain.
The match started off with two pretty big names, the British Bulldog and Ted Dibiase. Yet for some reason that baffles me, Dibiase was eliminated before number three came out. A terrible choice indeed, but this match was so packed it could be understandable.
At Number 3, the unofficial NWA, or whatever he called himself champion appeared, Ric Flair. Thus began arguably the greatest hour of television in WWE history, complete with the greatest announcing you could want. Bobby Heenan, ever the dick, placed money and loyalty in Flair winning this match, so when Flair entered at 3, Heenan turned into the whiniest, annoying, complaining weasel in existence, and it was wonderful. "This is not fair to Flair" is a rallying cry still used to this day by many individuals. And let's not give any shortage of brilliance to Gorrilla Monsoon, ever the perfect (pun, since Mr. Perfect was Flair's bodyguard or something at the time) foil to Heenan. They put on a vocal clinic for the ages.
Numbers 4 through 14 were fun and featured some of the best in the business at the time, and also Repo Man and Volkoff. Shawn Michaels was coming into his own finally as a growing mega star. Never walk anywhere near Haku. The Texas Tornado (Kerry Von Erich) is about as athletic as they come for early 90s stars. Greg Valentine, who lasted nearly 50 minutes last year, is a perennial popular pick in early years. Tito Santana, Big Bossman, Sags, the Barbarian, Hercules. These were the mid-card of the 90s and you know what, they were all worthy of being in this match as fun fodder. But the true story was always Flair, who took a regular beating from everyone, including his epic fall, but managed to stay alive as each were slowly eliminated. Eventually after a filled up ring, Flair struggled to eliminated Bossman, but he had managed to get all of the other first 13 contestants out!!!! Flair survived round one!
Round two (numbers 15 to 25) started off with one of Flair's buddies Roddy Piper. Oh wait, I meant to say one of the people who hated Flair the most! A fresh Piper went to town on Flair, beating him to a pulp. Then Jake Roberts came in and we had ourselves a fun little three way. At this point a lot of legendary big names started coming in. First year Rumble winner Jim Duggan. Evil tax jerk Irwin R. Schyster. Third Degree Murderer legendary high flyer Jimmy Snuka. Some new guy called the Undertaker no big deal. Randy Savage (who eliminated Roberts his enemy for hitting Elizabeth or something, then threw himself over the top because he's an idiot in these matches, but somehow is not considered eliminated). The Bezerker, Virgil, Colonel Mustafa (Iron Sheik past his prime and thankfully out quickly), and current Ironman Rick Martel all entered the screen and really leave us up to suspicion as to who will win. But it's still about Flair who takes everyone's best but won't go out, much to the heart attack that Heenan is having.
Round Three starts with some racist dude in yellow trunks coming out to defend America. He throws out the Undertaker, the Bezerker, and others because that's what Hogan does best. Then the rest of the entrants come out. Skinner (let's forget about him), Sid Justice (Sycho Sid), Sgt Slaughter, and forgotten record holder for shortest time the Warlord round out the top thirty. When Warlord came out and soon went out we were down to 8 (Flair, Hogan, Savage, Sid, Sgt Slaughter, IRS, Martel, and Piper.) Thats 5 former or future WWE Champions, the greatest heel arguably ever, and two multiple champion holders...not a bad group.
Now the finish is not as satisfying as other entries on this list, and is probably the biggest reason this is only number 2 and not 1. Eventually all the great legends are thrown out and we are left with Hogan, Sid, and somehow...someway...Flair. Well at this point Flair is basically a pile of dead weight and Hogan wants to save America and throw him out. While he was doing it however, Sid "turns" on him and eliminates Hogan, knowing Flair is the easy pickens (remember Sid is also the first person to kick out of Hogan's leg drop technically because of bad booking at the upcoming Mania). So Hogan, ever the gentleman, gets mad and grabs Sid's arm, refusing him the power to throw Flair out. And with Flair's last ounce of strength he pointed to W and S pushed Sid out of the ring, completing the impossible dream.
Hogan congratulates Sid on his 2nd place finish...
At this point Heenan is beside himself and his pants have changed 30 colors in joy. He abandons his post and joins Flair and Perfect in the back celebrated while we all stare at a Hogan/Sid shouting match no one wanted. That finish is unfortunately the only problem in this match because it's always Hogan being Hogan.
But all of that was almost made up for when Flair delivered the victory speech of a lifetime. He really did speak from the heart about what it truly means to be a wrestling fan. The story of the bad guy winning but earning the respect along the process is sometimes a forgotten masterpiece, but important to creating the variety that makes the Rumble great. No Rumble match has ever made me care more about why the title was important and why this match needs to become a mainstay, and that is why it is number 2 and the reason we still saw all the great (and terrible) Rumble matches since. Enjoy it with full on Heenan heeling.
But alas, it is not number 1! By now you know what tomorrow is going to be, a match that truly symbolizes what a perfect Rumble is and what it means to incorporate everything good about wrestling and it's strange yet wonderful following. Like a bowling ball to the nuts, tomorrow's match is the explosion of an industry and the high water mark of a match that gives me jitters every January. HERE WE GO!!!
